A few days ago, Jaime and I were walking around town with his mom and grandma. We saw a woman with a baby in a stroller. Grandma started chatting with her. The baby was just a week old! He is the woman’s first grandson. Hooray! So they chatted a bit while I gazed at various flavors of ice cream.
We started to say our good-byes and then she looked at Jaime and me and said, “it will be your turn soon.” Never met this woman before in my life! We smiled but said “Nah. We aren’t having kids.” Her response? Instead of saying “oh ok!” or “sorry to make assumptions!” like a normal person, she refused to accept our answer. “Oh yes you are; just you wait.” Umm, no. It’s not for us; we have other things planned. And still! The condescending smile. Yes, you are. Yes, you will.
This is not the first time this has happened, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.
Why do people do this?!
We are not having kids. Will I change my mind? Most likely not. We’ve felt the same way for a long time now. If I were 25 years old or even 30, then sure. I understand why people would think we might change our minds. But we’re not 30 anymore. And yes, we still don’t want kids.
I think it’s lovely for people to have kids if that’s what they wanna do. Kids are great! I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. (tee hee) But I do NOT think it’s our responsibility as humans to add more people to this world. I don’t think every family needs a child. And I don’t think every family should have one. It should be a choice, not something that we are pressured and guilted into.
The worst thing I’ve heard is that it is selfish to not have kids. This is a horrible thing to say. And it makes no sense! You know why? I am able to give so much to others because I don’t have children of my own. I am always there for my friends. For my family. I have time to dedicate to people in need. I constantly donate to people’s fundraisers and charities. I am able to give so much because of not having my own children! Kids are a lot of work! (understatement of the year) So if you don’t have them, you have time for other things and other people. Not necessarily selfish things. Am I saying that none of us should have kids and we should just start taking care of other people? No, silly goose. Just saying that it’s all about balance. Some people should have kids and others should be able to not have them without feeling guilty about it.
When I started singing, I started for me. Cuz I just love to sing. But after years of being in this band, I’ve learned that our band actually helps people! We have heard so many lovely stories. It is an amazing feeling. I’ve learned that we help people get through tough times, we give people fun times to look forward to, we inspire little girls to get into music. Because I don’t have kids of my own, I’m able to inspire other people’s kids. I love that! And I don’t think I’m selfish at all.
So to all my fellow “I don’t want children” peeps, I feel you. Don’t let people make you feel bad. Don’t be ashamed and don’t feel that you need to explain yourself to anyone. There is nothing wrong with you. You are on a different path and I think that is lovely! And to everyone else: please don’t tell strangers to procreate. It’s weird.
Random shout out to Dorothy for speaking up for us to that woman! Thanks, Dorothy <3